My Unexpected Superpower

image source: alibris.com

Every year as a first grade teacher, I'd read my students the book The Little Engine that Could. It's a great story about a train that needs help transporting food and toys over a mountain and a little engine that helps the train out. Funny enough, the little blue engine isn't really the star of the story - the star of the story is the the group of dolls and toys that continue to persevere in trying to get help even though they meet with disappointment again and again. Finally, the little blue engine shows up and uses a combination of perseverance and positive thinking - I think I can, I think I can, I think I can... to pull the broken train over the mountain and make sure the children of the town get what they need. 

I recently joined this writing challenge led by Tara-Nicholle Nelson and she asked an interesting question: 

Before you took this Challenge, when was the last time you trained at altitude—diving into something that stretched you beyond what you’d ever done or felt before, or stepping out toward a dream without the perfect resources or plan in place? What new superpowers did you develop in the process?

Unlike the little blue engine and the dolls and toys, persistence has been a major weak point for me for many years. Ever since I can remember, I've had this lethal concoction of fear, perfectionism, self-sabotage, and some degree of laziness swirling around in my soul that caused me to stop things as often as I started them. 

Here's how the ugly cycle would go: I'd try something new and discover I had a knack for it. I'd quickly learn that I was good enough to do well just on natural talent alone - but not as well as I could do if I spent the time and effort to hone my skills. However, my perfectionism would kick in and tell me that if I couldn't get it right the first time, it wasn't worth trying. So I'd give up rather than keep working at it until I figured it out or increased my skill enough to really excel. Unfortunately, since failure is an inevitable part of life, the cycle of trying, being pretty good, experiencing minor failure, beating myself up about it, feeling guilty all the time, and then underperforming out of guilty, led to eventually quitting.  Guilt was like a cackling shadow - it followed me everywhere and made sure I never forgot it was there - or felt good enough about myself to keep trying until I succeeded. 

As a result of this never-ending cycle, I'd never really stuck with anything or really committed to gritting my teeth and giving it my all. Finally, I decided it was time to change that. The solution: a 30-day positivity challenge. I found a couple of blogs about ways to become a more positive person and then I committed to writing about my experiences on my own blog every day for 30 days. If I was tired, if I didn't feel like it, if I was about to fall asleep but hadn't done it yet, no excuses. I was going to write for 30 days. 

And sure enough, I did. Did I do it perfectly? No. A holiday or two happened. I went out of town. I missed a couple of days. But I showed myself that I can stick with something. I may not do it perfectly, but done is better than perfect. And at the end of the 30 days, I was done. Also, because it was a positivity challenge, it helped me change my perspective on life. I had caught myself being a bit of a downer, and I wanted to change that. So I decided to start choosing to be positive every day. And it helped! At the end of the challenge I was a more optimistic, more persistent person than before. 

What I learned:

1. Choosing to change my thinking does work, if I work at it. 

2. Sticking to something gives me a great sense of accomplishment and raises my self-esteem. I now see myself as persistent, which I didn't before. 

3. Sticking with the challenge also increased my sense of self-efficacy. We don't always realize what we're capable of until we try something and it actually works. 

I can, and I did! 

Tara asked what new superpower I developed during the challenge. I think I'd have to say that my superpower is being like the Little Engine That Could. The power of persistence is twofold: in the thinking and the doing. Once I changed my thinking, I was able to accomplish something that required a level of commitment and discipline that, while not astronomically high, was greater than I thought I was capable of. However, I proved to myself through this challenge that when I commit to something, I can accomplish it - and it feels amazing!